My Ate

We may have the same mother but we were not raised together.

My friends are always amazed when I tell them that I have an older half sister. We have an age gap of, if I am not mistaken, 5 years. Our mother had Ate before she met my father.

We grew up on a different environment. I spent my younger life with my parents, while Ate grew up with my grandparents, aunties and uncles. I was used to living with a small family while Ate, with a big family. I am used to the city life while Ate grew up in the province.

When Ate graduated in high school, she decided to study college in Manila. I was very happy because aside from, I have someone to share household chores with, (he he he!) she was tutoring me in my Math subjects. I remember getting higher grades in my Math because of her. I am really poor in numbers and I got those genes from Mama, while Ate may have gotten it from her father . She is really a math wizard. But just like any other family, conflicts arose from all the adjustments she has to make, living with her “new” family, with city life, and household rules. Not to mention, my father’s rigid style of disciplining. One day, she left our house without my parents knowing it, until we learned that she went back to our province. I saw my mother cried and hurt by what she did.

I was in my second year high school when my father told me and my younger sister that my half sister is really our sister. Instead of feeling sad and violent like what the usual scene that I saw in the drama shows and movies, I felt happy that Ate is actually my sister. It didn’t matter if she has a different father or that we never grew up together, but she is my sister. But I never told my mother that I already knew the truth. I felt that she doesn’t need to explain to us and I don’t want her to feel embarrassed.

Ate graduated in college in the province and worked in a government office. She visits us often especially if her work requires her to travel to Manila. Of course, when she visits, we go malling, shopping and watching movies. We still find time for bonding like what sisters do.

When our mother was diagnosed with cancer and she has to undergo therapies, Ate is one of those who helped us with the finances. A few days before our mother died, she was with us. She was beside Mama until her last breath.

During the preparation for Mama’s internment, when we have to put the names of the family members in the coffin, I have included Ate’s. I never thought of its effect especially to our relatives in my father’s side. Most of our relatives from my father’s side were surprised because Ate was introduced to them before as my cousin. Some of them even told me that my mother should curse me for telling others of her “secret”. It’s like telling me on my face that I betrayed my mother. Honestly, I didn’t feel that it is suppose to be secret or I betrayed Mama. Are there such things as secret mothers or secret children? Anyway, this is our family, I am part of it, and so I have every right to make decisions. Good thing, my father never disapproved of that.

I know my mother very well and I know that she would not mind that others learned about the truth. I remember when one of my aunties told me that after my parents got married, Mama has made several attempts to get Ate from my grandparents.

I know that if Mama was only given a chance, she would have compensated well for her absence in Ate’s growing years.